November 27th 1985, snow was falling, it was starry & cold but my heart was warm.
This is the night we eloped.
Back track a bit;
We had gone to W.Va. a week or so earlier to see my aunt Donna to get married. The only thing is we didn't know that it was the same as ohio with the marriage license. We went out with my cousin Tammy & her kids to the mall. Denny & Tammy were plotting something so they had the kids take me to another store.
A half hour later we all met up. Denny had this grin on his face & a box but wouldn't tell me what was in it. We stayed the night at Tammy's then left to come home the next morning. When we got back to the apartment he finally gave me the box. Inside was the most beautiful cream dress, my dress to get married in. I cried . HE loved me so much that he picked out the dress he wanted to see me in when we got married.
On to November 27th. We both worked that day came home got showers then got dressed. He wore this blue suit & looked so damn good in it. I wore the dress he picked out for me.
We stopped over to our friends apartment to show them my dress & let them know we were off to be married.
the snow was falling lighty but the stars were out. It was cold but we didn't feel it. We ended up at the justice of the peace's house. This cute little old man came to the door . We gave him our marriage license & asked him to marry us. He got is cute little wife to be our witness.
they lit a candle then started our small ceremony. Looking into his eyes I said my vows to him tearing up at the same time. Our hands were shaking as we said our vows. He teared up as he told me that he would love me forever.
We kissed , we were married.
We went on to each of our parents homes to let them know we had gotten married. they were ok with it. His mom took a few pictures , I treasure them.
My mom & dad snuck over to our apartment & put a bottle of bubbly in the fridge & flowers on the table.
After we stopped at the parents homes, we went out for a nice dinner at Tangier's ~ a swanly place. we told the waiter that we had just gotten married & they sent us drinks to our table.
We had a nice dinner then went home.
I never had a honeymoon , will never get that honeymoon. BUT every day with him was a honeymoon. We always were together ,never apart. Always touching. Holding hands, a hand on the leg, something. We had spats but never went to bed angry.
This has been the longest time away from him , and more long days to follow. He is here with us in his urn & i wear a charm with some of his hair in it around my neck so he is with me every day.
My heart is broken & aches for him. My spirit is broken & I don't know if I'll ever get it back. i miss him with ever fiber of my being. i hope everynight for him to come to me in a dream to let me know that he's ok. I don't dream anymore.
My life is very different now. I'm an ONLY parent. I'm the head of a household,not willingly.
I replay that nightmarish Sunday in July over & over in my head all the time. I look at pictures & videos just to hear his voice, his unique laugh.
I've lost my best friend, my lover, my soul mate, the other half of who I am. I'm lost & can't find my way out of the deep dark hole that I'm in.
I'll never find love that intense again. I never want to. I had the love of a lifetime. I'm spoiled.
He had all the best qualities a man should have . No one could ever live up top that. I know it wouldn't be fair to compare another person to him but that's what will happen with me. I know how I am.
I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm fine with that. My broken heart will never be mended. I wanted his heart to be in my chest , but the doctors wouldn't do that. I told them that was the only way to fix me. they looked at me sympathetically but had to save anothers life with his gift.
That was my Denny, always giving everything of himself to others. Even at the end. Such a generous man. He is missed & loved by many.
So when November 27th rolls around this year, I hope it snows a little, I hope the stars are out also. I will be melencholy but I will also be happy that we made it 23 years.
For you my love,
jacki
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