so it's raining.
harley is going to the ellet community festival with leah.
kenna is already there with doug.
sami & shortround went to moms for dinner.
me?
maybe just maybe i can get somethings done around here without the brats around. i'm tired & my jaw hurts though so i just think i'll flip the laundry , take a shower & chill.
doubt if anything good is on to rot my brain tonite. i do have the first season of beauty & the beast from netflix so maybe vincent will kepp me company tonite.
i called about joining a widows support group. they meet the first wednesday of every month. i won't get to go in june since that will be the day kenna graduates. i am making a point to go in july.
slowly getting over my fear of people. notice i said slowly.
this group isn't a bunch of grey haired fuddy duddies . they're people my age either up or down a few years.
should be interesting.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
almost 10 months
sadness is in my heart right now.
may.
next week starts senior week for kenna. a recognition ceremony on monday, senior breakfast tuesday. her 18th birthday on friday.
prom is the 30th.
graduation june 3rd.
only thing missing is you big man.
everyone at work noticed i had been crying today. they knew why.
it wasn't because of my tooth. that's better now that it's gone.
it was because of everything your missing.
mom is keeping close tabs on me. she is so far up my ass she should be able to see out of my own eyes.
i'm on the verge of a breakdown but i'm pretty good at pretending to hold it together.
i just want to crawl in a hole & hide right now.
had a will written up on wednesday. now i'm an official grown up.
you know me i don't ever do anything like i'm supposed to. i march to a different drummer , always have.
after you died now i am doing things that we should have done years ago.
a lady told me today that she doesn't know how i do it. i'm strong & admirable to her.
she told me that if anything like this happened to her , she'd never cope like i have. i told her i have to do what i have to do because no one else can or will.
i'm weak.
i don't feel strong.
i'm on auto pilot. that's all. just existing .
a shell of who you knew me as .
i can't tell people all of this babe because i don't want to be a downer all the time. so i pretend that i'm going along just peachy . when in fact i'm slowly dying inside myself.
my smile? fake.
my tone? fake.
my life? fake.
i miss you.
10 months.
may.
next week starts senior week for kenna. a recognition ceremony on monday, senior breakfast tuesday. her 18th birthday on friday.
prom is the 30th.
graduation june 3rd.
only thing missing is you big man.
everyone at work noticed i had been crying today. they knew why.
it wasn't because of my tooth. that's better now that it's gone.
it was because of everything your missing.
mom is keeping close tabs on me. she is so far up my ass she should be able to see out of my own eyes.
i'm on the verge of a breakdown but i'm pretty good at pretending to hold it together.
i just want to crawl in a hole & hide right now.
had a will written up on wednesday. now i'm an official grown up.
you know me i don't ever do anything like i'm supposed to. i march to a different drummer , always have.
after you died now i am doing things that we should have done years ago.
a lady told me today that she doesn't know how i do it. i'm strong & admirable to her.
she told me that if anything like this happened to her , she'd never cope like i have. i told her i have to do what i have to do because no one else can or will.
i'm weak.
i don't feel strong.
i'm on auto pilot. that's all. just existing .
a shell of who you knew me as .
i can't tell people all of this babe because i don't want to be a downer all the time. so i pretend that i'm going along just peachy . when in fact i'm slowly dying inside myself.
my smile? fake.
my tone? fake.
my life? fake.
i miss you.
10 months.
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