August 2010

August already. In 15 days Harley will start his senior year AGAIN. the kid needs to buckle down and graduate or I will lose my mind again.

July was great. I started with a new company at the detention center. More work but I love it it keeps me busy. The first wek of July Ken came to Ohio and spent a wonderful week with me and his brother's family. We had a really nice time and got to know each other even better.

In a few weeks he's coming again and we have special plans for the weekend..........just me and him. My heart has melted and I have deep feelings for him. Real feelings . He makes me feel special and very happy. It's nice to feel again.

McKenna got a job at the Cascade auto group,she likes it so far.

The wedding plans are coming along ....al we have to figure out now is the menu.

I can't believe my baby is getting married. I'm old. I'm going to get a new chain for my necklace and let her wear her dad down the aisle. That way other than Papa daddy will also be walking her down.

After 2 years we are finally feeling like our little tin can is home. I've done the best that I can to make it into my own place. It's small but cozy.

I owe a great deal to Vivian and Kevin for being there for me and for introducing me to Ken. I haven't been this happy in a long time. Everyone has noticed the change in me also , I guess that is a good thing LOL.

I had my one tattoo fixed and it looks a lot better with more color and accents added and I also got one on my back ....a junkyard dog. It has special meaning.

harley got a few more tattos, another music symbol on his arm and notes on his knuckles, not too thrilled with the knuckles but what can I do?

This weekend is the Lifebanc walk, I'm not going. I know I should to honor Denny but it's also time to start letting him rest in peace. It's not good for me to dwell on the fact that he's gone anymore. He would want me to move on with living and thats just what I am doing.

He would like Ken.

The only setbacks are that Denny's family has all but cut off the kids, I don't care about me but they are his kids and have done nothing to deserve being treated like this.

sami is sending invites to some of his family to show she is the bigger person in all of this. It will be interesting to see how this turns out. Hell the wedding is right down the street from the grandparents. Oh well.

Well that's all I have for now.

Been a while since I've written

Damn .
I am a bad blogger . LOL

I see it was almost one year ago I wrote.
A hell of a lot has happened since then.

I met 2 losers on an on-line dating site. The first one was a thief and the second one was a married thief. No more of that bullshit for me. I wasted 7 months of my life with the second one. I never thought he was married. WRONG.
So I blocked him from my phone and my life.

Harley didn't graduate from high school. That's ok. He will be returning and doing better. I feel like a failure though. I feel like I failed as a parent and failed Denny.

All of those feelings and what Scott( loser 2) put me thru and refusing to grieve for D had me go through a little mental breakdown. I spent a week in the hospital and 3 months in intensive counselling. I was diagnosed with depression( DUH) post traumatic stress disorder- due to the way D died and other factors, and anxiety.

Since then I have moved ahead ---notice I didn't say move on ---I'm moving forward with my life.

My best friend and sister from a different mother has set me up with her husbands brother. Let me tell you something, this man is the sweetest man I have met. We talk, laugh and just enjoy each other.

In 9 days (7/2/10) he will be here in Ohio for one week , his vacation but he is also coming to spend it with me. We will really get to know each other better during that time. He makes me feel really good. Makes me feel special. Makes me feel desired. I like that, really like that.

Sami and Shortround are getting married in October. We found a gorgeous dress at the Goodwill. Thanks D for introducing me to that store ions ago, I can't get enough of thrifting.

I started back to school. YES...me in school. I know right ?! LOL
I'm doing good right now I have a B average. Mostly for bullshit...life experience bullshit. I need a degree for that? LOL I will have something to fall back on.

I will be starting with a new company, same job and same juvie jail, in July. Should be interesting to say the least.


I have started purging things I was holding on to . I got rid of the sofa he died on. It wasn't healthy for me to keep it. I know that now. I know he would want me to move ahead with my life and not sit in a funk as I have been or make the rotten descions I made with the men I chose. I know he would like Ken. I do. I really do like him bunches.
I think this one is gonna work. He will be the last man I ever give my heart, soul and self too.

Can't think of anything else to ramble on about right now.

I promise oh lonely blog of mine I will return more often and update you on my life.

All my love to you all~jax