15 days

15 days.

last year at this time i only had you for 15 more days.

not fair.

we were having some great times then. getting so much closer than we already were . it was like i could crawl inside you or you inside me & we would be one.

not fair.

nightmares have started.

i hear a siren i remember vividly the ride in the emt unit. looking back at them doing compressions on you then turning away to vomit.

i see life flight every once in a while as i have a smoke......yea yea i know you hated me smoking i quit for 20 odd years then this shit happens.....come & yell at me then i'll quit again otherwise shut up....

life flight in the early morning hours when i get to work , hear the chopper going over to city hospital all i can think of is someone lost a loved one & maybe they are picking up an organ.

then i vomit.

i can't sleep. i haven't slept in that bed since you died. i can't. i sleep in my chair or on the sofa. the same sofa you died on. i feel closer to you there. then i see you slumped over, making that noise, blue.....

hell denny i miss you.

i hate my life.

i don't think i'll make it through these next few weeks. i really don't.

i need you here to hug me, comfort me, hold me.

but your not. reality shoved that up my ass.

i love you big d .